*Start Over*

Well, I have officially deleted my Facebook page. Found that it didn't help my negativity one bit! Just recently was diagnosed with Bipolar and PTSD. I go in for further testing on Wednesday. I can't wait to get help for all of it. It's been a LONG 23 years dealing with problems that aren't very easy to deal with. I have an audition for The Voice next month in Texas. I am so excited! I am ready to sing. That's all I want! It's my life, my dream. I hope that I get past my nerves and they like my voice. I sing really good, it's just different. But, different is what they're looking for. Wish me luck!

Christopher has been diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety. He got on meds back in November and has done wonderful. A complete improvement at school and home. He got into some trouble at school for stealing a boy's 3DS. He was definitely in the wrong, but don't understand why a parent would allow their child to take an almost $300 game to school? I know I wouldn't! We are working on the stealing and lying deal still. I think he is getting it finally. He really is an amazing kid, we just have a few things to work out. He has started drawing and writing books. He wants to be an author when he grows up. His whole life is reading. I am not complaining at all! I am very proud of him. He was practically in third grade reading when they tested him at the beginning of his 2nd grade school year! His grades were excellent at the end of the year. Only problems were behavior. But, it is nowhere as bad as it use to be. He has a hard time with friends. It makes me extremely sad, but I went through it as well. I know he will be just fine so long as he has enough love at home. I continue to tell him that everything will be ok and to pay attention to school because those kids won't be around forever. But, he needs his schooling to get somewhere in life. I hope that repeating these words to him that he will listen to me and not go through the things I did. 

Braylon has been diagnosed with ADHD. He has been getting treatment for it all, it seems to be working well. He goes to see a behavioral specialist once a month due to his behavior which is caused by his developmental delays. They took him out of speech therapy at the end of the this past school year! They said he is like a whole new child compared to the year before when he started going there. We are hoping to get him into Christopher's school for his last preschool year! Hopefully, the waiting list isn't too long! We have a lot of meltdowns due to his ADHD. I am certain that there is more wrong than just that, I am thinking he got my Bipolar. They wouldn't do anything with that until he is older though, or I got tested. Which, I did. So, at his appointment next week, I will be discussing with the doctors about that. He goes from happy to screaming in 2.5 seconds! He acts exactly like I did when I was little. The medicine works for a while, then it just seems to make him more whiny. Which, when they put me on ADHD meds, I did the same. The fighting between him and Christopher is ridiculous! 99% of the time, they don't get along. We have started behavior, reward, and chore charts last week. So far, they are helping a little. They got to pick their prizes and all, so hopefully, rewarding their good behavior will help! I am trying a whole new discipline system. I really hope it works!

Daicen is doing excellent. He passed his 18 month old check up with what the PA said, "Flying colors!" He does have severe allergies. Being at the park longer than 15 minutes has his eyes beat red and watery and his nose running like crazy the rest of the day. They put him on Claritin, that didn't work at all, so now we are trying Zyrtec. So far he has been a lot happier! He goes in for testing next month to check on food allergies. Back during Christmas he broke out in hives after eating chocolate. He still does off and on. So, We just want to check him completely out incase he has a severe allergy to something that we don't know about. He is hilarious. He likes to sing and dance. The child just LOVES music! The instant that music comes on, he has a huge smile on his face and is dancing. I love it! He loves the outdoors. He could care less about toys and play equipment. He just wants nature. To touch trees, grass, pine cones, rocks, etc. He just runs through the field and explores. He says, "Side?!" when he wants to go outside and play. The most adorable conversation I have ever had with an 18 month old happened the other night. He was crying in his bed at bedtime, I came in and held him. I said, "We go night night and we got outside tomorrow, but you have to go night night." He said, "SIDE?!" and I said, "Yes!" And he said, "YA?!" and I said, "Yes, now go night night." He laid right down and went to sleep. The next morning he woke up, I came into his room, he says, "SIDE?!" I said, "Yes, we go outside today!" It was awesome. He makes me smile. I am trying to take a different approach in parenting with him. I know I still make mistakes, but I am REALLY trying. I am proud of myself for growing up, but at 15, I really didn't know what I was doing. Over time, I have learned what to do and what not to do for the sake of my kids. I am following the parenting books and advice with Daicen. So far, he is doing a lot better than the other 2. He is quiet for the most part and he listens extremely well for his age. Better than the other 2, combined. 

On a sad note. My sister-in-law, Kelsey, passed away back in November. Man, has it been hard! Braylon misses her SO much. He literally has said at least one thing about her everyday since she's been gone. She had abdominal bleeding from a ruptured fallopian tube. Just finally found out recently, she was pregnant. She had a tubal pregnancy. My mother-in-law, Lois hasn't been doing too well. She tries so hard to be positive, but I know and my husband knows, that it's just killing her. Kelsey was her best friend. I hate the constant deaths that keep happening to our families. It's really hard to keep going through the same pain repeatedly. 

My grandpa was just diagnosed with Cancer... He has prostate and bone cancer. He can barely walk without pain meds. It's really hard to watch the strongest man you know, go through such pain. His kidneys failed last month. That is how they found it.

My grandma went into the hospital back in February with extreme stomach pain. She has had consistent problems with her pancreas. She had pancreatitis, it killed 80% of her pancreas. She is now diabetic. She was in the hospital for a month. It was the most horrible thing I ever had to watch. They had her so doped up that she doesn't even remember being in there. It took a couple months to get her back to strength again, but she seems to be doing MUCH better! This is all still hard for her to go through, especially now that my grandpa has Cancer. I know my grandparent's can't be around forever, I am just never going to be ready to let them go. But, I guess that isn't my call, is it? It's all in God's hands. I don't know what I will do without them when the time comes. They're what I know as home. Back in January, I sat down with both of them and made complete amends. Told them how much I loved them and appreciated them. How sorry I am for everything I ever put them through. I guess my instinct knew bad things were about to happen. I am just happy that I won't have to live with the regret of not telling them what I needed to. The last thing I need is another regret in my life.

Well, I suppose I will go. Making Jesse's Father's Day meal today. I have been so tired, I completely slacked yesterday for Father's Day.